Yesterday was a weird day. And I can’t even explain why it was weird..
It was one of those days where I was so busy, I don’t even remember everything we did. I get so bogged down with things to do, I think my mind just zones out and goes into “get sh** done” mode. It doesn’t sound bad, but when I’m in these moments, I don’t feel good. I feel like I put the kids on the back burner and I have this hovering anxiety of all the things I need to complete before the day is done.
We woke up to the prettiest fog I’ve ever seen on our farm. Pictures don’t do it justice. It was eerie but beautiful at the same time.
We quickly dove into our day after I got caught up on work. I slapped together a lesson on tornadoes mostly because I didn’t want to deal with the whining over reading or writing.. {those subjects are a struggle lately} while the lesson went well, I just felt like I was letting my kids down.
Homeschooling does that to you often. Insecurity creeps in and you feel like you’re failing your kids. I reached out to some other homeschool moms for tips on dealing with the “I don’t want to’s” and “I can’t do it’s” with the kids. It was like a record on repeat with the response I got… unschool, unschool, unschool.
I kept replying but we do! We do unschool! That’s what we’ve been doing for two years now!
Well, I have a realization today that maybe the kids are the ones that need to be unschooled..
I brought the kids outside before a break, brought the soccer ball and a little goal we got for wilder to practice with. I set them up and went to work the horses a bit. They’re long overdue. I managed to successfully pony Bill around the yard with Levi, watching the kids as I made the rounds playing with the dog and pretending the net was a tent keeping them safe from the wasps and bees.
That anxiety just gripped me even still. They’re not learning anything. They’re just playing pretend. Sure they’re having fun, but I’ve done nothing to set them up for success…
I put the horses back in their pen and fed them, of course, while feeding bales, the chickens made yet ANOTHER next in the hay.. 🙄 so I gathered them and went to join the kids in their make-believe world.
I took a moment to just take a break myself. Just sit and not think for a minute. Slow down and just relax. My tension was UNREAL… Next thing I know Wilder shouts “there are 14 eggs mom!”
I laughed and did the typical “oh yeah cool buddy” as many parents do without actually checking their work. It donned on me he might actually be right come to think of it.. I asked him to count again for me and sure enough, one by one my 3 year old counted the eggs in the grass all the way to 14! He’s never counted so high! Of course, he received all sorts of praise. I was beyond proud.
THAT’S when it hit me.
My kids don’t need unschooled.. I think MOM needs unschooled.
One of the biggest challenges a homeschool mom can face is setting expectations for not only their kids but more importantly themselves. My kids have never been to school {Rowan went for a year, preschool}.. they don’t need to unschool from anything. I went to private school 2nd-12th grade. The only person who needs to break from the stigma of traditional schooling and expectations is ME.
We decided to head inside and I walked in to see wilder using a watermelon we’d picked the day before at a stool to wash his hands. Too adorable to not capture the moment.
So just like that, I watched my three-year-old count the eggs, and problem-solve to wash his hands by himself when he couldn’t reach. Just in those simple moments, my fear of failure was lifted. Those kids did learn today. They grew in so many ways watching me woke the horses, socializing with each other and growing their imagination, and then unknowingly did math and problem-solving.
I know the fear of letting them down will creep back in, but today was an incredible reminder and realization that unschooling starts with ME.
If I can manage unschool myself, I know I will genuinely and restfully trust the process.
